First came The Incredibles …
And now, coming soon to a cinema near you:
Meet the characters and their super-powers:
Twilight: Twilight has a lot of love to give. Too much, one may argue. Her special power is making two men fall at her feet, without finding out about each other. Some may call it cheating, but Twilight believes that she is acting for the greater good.
Cos Metic: Cos Metic is a constantly changing superhero. If you want a bigger bum, Cos Metic can make that happen. Bigger boobs? No problem. Keep this on the DL, but she has even been known to change your gender. Cool huh?
Bronze: Bronze is similar to Cos Metic, in that she can change the colour of your skin. You want to be more tanned? Bronze will make that happen for you, using a special bed.
The most incredible thing about these superheroes is their bravery. To quote another superhero of mine, they ‘laugh in the face of danger’.
They are, after all, invincible.
They are also not so dissimilar to you and I.
You and I; the everyday superheroes who fly (and I don’t mean on an aeroplane!)
No, these superheroes, like our superheroes mentioned above, laugh in the face of danger.
That is why, instead of travelling in a plane, they decide to jump out of one. They call it ‘skydiving’, but I prefer ‘try dying’.
But this is old news. And also not that brave. After all, they have a parachute.
A new set of superheroes have decided to fly solo.
I call it, ‘Balcony Bouncing’.
Basically, they drink a magical liquid, and then topple over their hotel balconies whilst on holiday.
Apparently three young Brits have died and 10 others injured in this year alone whilst engaging in this practice.
One survivor, superhero Jack Evans, who fell seven floors from his balcony whilst away, has subsequently given the following piece of advice to fellow holiday-goers:
“Try not to use balconies, or, if you do, use them sensibly.”
One might heed his wise words, if he hadn’t been leaning over to reach a cigarette lighter at the time.
Like I said, invincible.
It’s all very well for the Foreign Office and Travel Industry to issue an official warning to drink sensibly while on holiday and not fall over balconies, but that would be like telling Superman not to fly.
Or Kristin Stewart not to cheat on her boyfriend of four years, or British model Claudia Aderotimi not to go to the US and get the bum implants that would kill her, or Patricia Krentcil, the sunbed-obsessed mum, who changed the colour of her skin, not to take her four-year old daughter in with her.
After all, they thought they were invincible, too.